I made a bet with myself and I learned a few things

I made a bet with myself — more of a challenge if you will — to speak with every person I encountered on my trip to California. 

I flew from Des Moines, Iowa to Saint Louis, Missouri, and then on to Los Angeles, California. I encountered people in the security line, the kiosk where I purchased a bottle of water, in the line to board my plane (both to Saint Louis and to Los Angeles), and of course on the flights as well. 

To be fair, I set a couple of ground rules for myself. Rule #1: I wasn’t going to be the guy striking up a conversation with someone at the urinal. But starting at the sink, washing my hands AFTER using the urinal, well, that was fair game.

Rule #2: I also wasn’t going to force the conversation. Nobody wants to be stuck on a two-hour flight with someone who won’t shut up.

But other than that, everyone was a candidate. My first conversation: Virginia. We began talking while waiting in the security line in Des Moines. What I thought would be a brief chat turned into a lengthy conversation. I discovered that Virginia, or Ginny as her friends called her, had grown up in Iowa. She married her college sweetheart and moved to North Carolina soon after. Ten years ago her husband had passed away. Since his passing, she’s made a point to come back to Iowa to visit her friend at least once a year. 

She told me the experience is a little like being young school girls again. They play cards, sip tea, and have long conversations about their countless memories together.

After making it through security (and having my carry-on searched) I slipped on my sneakers and told Ginny goodbye.

After that, I said “hi” to what seemed to be a college-aged kid while filling up my bottle of water. The quick head nod I received in exchange made it clear this conversation wasn’t going any further.

Next, I made a stop into the restroom where I was bookended by two older gentlemen — nope, wasn’t going to be that guy (see Rule #1).

I always thought of my fellow Midwest travelers to be more friendly but didn’t experience much success while waiting to board. While standing in line to board a sharp dressed man in a blue suit said “hi” and asked how I was doing. The question was more of a formality though. After responding that I was well he had gone back to laser-like focus towards his iPhone and had reinserted his earbud before I could return the question.

On my flight to Saint Louis, I was fortunate to land an aisle seat. (This time flying Southwest I remembered to check in exactly 24 hours prior to my flight — thanks to my lovely wife.)

Our flight was full, but that was okay. Charles and his son, Andrew sat next to me. They were on their way back home from a camping trip of some sort. I wasn’t quite sure what they had done in Iowa, but they seemed to have enjoyed themselves. Andrew was going to be starting junior high school this coming year and Charles was looking forward to another year of teaching. He was a high school chemistry teacher in Saint Louis. 

The flight was brief and the conversation didn’t go much further. The father and son pair were discussing weekend activities with the family. Apparently, Andrew wasn’t too excited about upcoming neighborhood barbecue the family would be hosting.

Our flight landed, I grabbed my luggage from the overhead compartment, and I told Charles and Andrew goodbye.

After landing in Saint Louis I had to get some work done. I found a seat near where I would board for my next flight, opened my lap top, and began checking emails. After 15 minutes of sitting alone, a middle-aged couple sat down across from me. She opened her planner and two sheets of paper felt out and floated towards my feet. 

“Oh, that’s nothing important. Just a bunch of my computer passwords,” she informed me. I laughed to myself because to me, it seemed like those were very important documents. I handed them back to her and she thanked me. 

After a few minutes, I could tell she was looking in my direction. I lifted my eyes to make eye contact.

“Hi. You wouldn’t happen to know how to work Netflix would you?” I told her I’d be more than happy to help. She introduced herself as Donna. Her husband had walked back from grabbing dinner. 

“Russ, this kind gentleman just helped me figure out Netflix!” Apparently, he was a little hard of hearing — “What,” was his response holding up a bag of cold fast food.

“I said this gentleman helped us get on Netflix here.” 

“Ohhh...it’s good to know there’s one of those still around,” he responded with apparently able to hear more clearly this time.

I introduced myself and for the next 25 minutes, Russ and Donna told of me of their travels from the west coast back to Baltimore. Life had been hard lately — family issues had resulted in a great deal of stress, although you would never have known based on the warm smiles they both displayed.

The flight to Baltimore began to board, they unfolded their printed boarding passes, and kindly said goodbye, once again thanking me for assisting in their technology questions.

I was once again sitting in silence save for the background noise of people walking up and from flights. For the next hour, I worked until my flight boarded.

It was a mostly empty flight to Los Angeles. I sat in a row by myself briefly speaking to the gentleman in front of me in line on the jetway and the flight attendants while ordering my drink.

I landed at LAX and scheduled my ride with Uber. It was a 45-minute trip to the home of my friend I would be staying with. It said my driver would be in a black Toyota Prius. His name was Tamam and he had a 4.7-star rating.

Within 7 minutes my Uber driver arrived and I through my backpack and luggage into the backseat next to me.

“How are you tonight, Noah?” Tamam asked. Based on the apparent warm greeting and posture of my driver, I had a feeling it would be a good conversation. 

I was primed with leading questions as a result of my day of many conversations. For the next 45-minutes learned a lot about this person.

I discovered he had grown up in Dubai and had been a part of the inaugural flight crew for Emirates Air. He, his wife, and three children had moved to America 15 years earlier. He had enjoyed being a flight attendant for 28 years — the travel, the exotic vacations — but after having kids the travel was less appealing. 

He was a family man, and time went by too fast to be away from them. He and his family chose to move to California for reasons I never fully discovered. But they loved it here. The weather was perfect nearly every day of the year.

After many more details, and swapping family-related tales, we arrived at my friend's house. I thanked him for my ride and a good conversation. 

What I learned from this experience (my bet with myself):

I learned a few things from this self-inflicted experiment. Let me explain.

1. First, it’s good to force yourself to do uncomfortable things. Things that stretch you, cause you to step outside your comfort zone — things that are beyond your daily practice.

2. People love to share. I already knew this to be true, but it was a good reminder. People often just need a listening ear, someone who is willing to give them attention. Be willing to listen to a story.

3. I need to be willing to slow down and be more in the moment. Many of these conversations hit a point that was less than interesting. But in those moments especially, lean in a little more and figure out how you might benefit that person. Maybe it’s just sitting in that moment with them or maybe it’s a warm smile or a nod of the head that lets them know you’re still tracking. This is a practice I need to be better at implementing at home. Traditionally it’s not in my nature to be a big talker. You would assume that means I’m a good listener. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. I seem to maintain a constant dialogue with myself that I often don’t take time to stop and listen to the one between me and the person in front of me.